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RightBias Idiot Awards  

RightBias Idiot Awards and Weird News
Nancy Morgan
March 3, 2009

Elaine Davidson, the world's most pierced woman, wins this week Top Idiot Award. She recently added yet more metal adornments to her body, bringing the grand total to 6,005

Alas, our runner-up is no longer around to receive his award. He expired after after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.

This recipient is also unable to accept her award in person, as she is in the hospital with no face. Doubtless she was shocked when her pet chimpanzee, Travis, turned on her. After all, the chimpanzee's relationship with his owner was closer than those of some married couples. Sandra Herold gave him the finest food, and wine in long-stemmed glasses. They took baths together and cuddled in the bed they shared. Then he went and ripped off her face. Life just isn't fair.

This idiot decided to subject her cat to an intricate tattoo. Isn't it pretty? 

Another honorable mention award goes to a Pennsylvania dog groomer who got caught selling "gothic kittens" with ear, neck and tail piercings. Say what you will, I'm sure the piercings weren't as painful as getting a tattoo.


A convicted rapist got lucky and was released early. He then pushed his luck when he smiled at his 13 year-old victim's mother and asked her how her daughter was. The mother replied by dousing him in gasoline and setting him on fire. Now he's toast.

A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal.
Louisiana Police arrested three adults on kidnapping charges after they allegedly agreed to swap a cockatoo and cash for two children.
Troy Brisport, 34, held a woman captive in handcuffs and an adult diaper for three days while he read Bible passages to her. He was charged with kidnapping and felonious assault. No word yet on his success in converting her.

A Pensacola burglary suspect was literally caught with his pants down while trying to run away. Deputies said Pittman tried to flee, but the handfuls of cigarettes prevented him from holding up his pants, which fell down and tripped him before he could make it out of the parking lot. Duh.

29 year-old Buck Walls got a little too drunk. He ended up crawling into bed with a stranger. No, not a one night stand - a neighbor. Apparently he got the wrong house. He was given accomodations in his local jail.

Luck of the draw - Instead of landing in jail, or the morgue, this drunk was awarded $2.33 million after he lost his leg after drunkenly stumbling onto the path of an oncoming subway train.

While no one is exactly sure how it happened, officials near Eagle say there is a cow elk wandering around with a bar stool stuck on its head.

Officially recognised by Guinness in 2003 as having the longest ear hair in the world, Mr Baijpai has grown his hair from five inches to their current length.

A giant rat with one-inch-long teeth has been caught in the southern Chinese province of Fujian.
Linda Lou Taylor, 68, who holds a Guinness World Record as the most married woman in history, and has been single for 12 years after 23 marriages said she hasn't ruled out getting married again.

Other than having a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman was uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave.
According to a secret intelligence report discovered while cleaning out a house, we find that mass murderer Adolf Hitler's uncouth behavior and shocking table manners appalled his wartime dining companions. No mention if his buddies were similarly appalled at his mass murder of the Jews.

A mosquito managed to live 18 months clinging to the outside of the International Space Station, without any food, being bombarded by radiation and enduring fluctuating temperatures ranging from minus 230 degrees to 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Whoa, baby!


Feel Free to send in your own nominee for next weeks' Idiot Awards. And remember, no matter how bad things get, you can take comfort in the fact that someone out there has it worse.


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