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Cartoons
Cartoons Last Updated: March 28, 2017
Courtesy: Pooki18


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Late Night Jokes  
Last Updated: March 25
Courtesy: Newsmax


Conan
Tuesday Night, March 21

It’s being reported that Donald Trump campaign adviser Roger Stone has a tattoo of Richard Nixon across his shoulders. And get this — ladies, he’s single.

Today President Trump gave NASA $19.5 billion to develop a manned mission to Mars. President Trump said he wants to see if Mars can sustain life and a casino.

Today is the 11th birthday of Twitter. That’s right folks, 11 years ago, Donald Trump was just writing crazy things on Post-It notes.

A robot has been taught how to write rap songs by being fed more than 6,000 Kanye West lyrics. The problem is, now the robot thinks it’s God.


The Late Late Show With James Corden
Thursday Night, March 23

Time magazine published an interview with Donald Trump and when they asked if he thought the false statements that he has made have damaged his reputation, Trump replied, “I can’t be doing so badly because I’m president and you’re not.” I’m president and you’re not — I told my 2-year-old daughter that, and she was like, “Dude, grow up.”

Trump acts like anyone who is not the president is doing badly. I feel like we’re all doing pretty well, aren’t we? I try to look at the bright side. Yes, we’re not the president — but we’re also not being investigated by the FBI for treason.

Today the House Republicans were furiously working to get enough votes to pass the healthcare bill to replace Obamacare. As it stands, they may not have enough, and the vote has been postponed. Right now, it’s not looking good. The bill is basically on life support — and like most things on life support, Republicans will probably deny it coverage.

 Now on to some very, very incredibly important news tonight: There is a new set of emojis. They’re going to be released to smartphones in June. This new set will include a hedgehog, a puking face, a brain, and a merman. I’m not going to lie — the merman emoji is going to save me a ton of time.


 
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Monday Night, March 20

Last week, President Trump released his first budget. They’re calling it a hard-power budget because it features a $54 billion increase in military spending, and to pay for the new spending, Trump is cutting everything else, like the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which funds PBS. Look, Trump’s a real-estate developer. It was only a matter of time until he put up condos on Sesame Street.

Trump is also eliminating the National Endowment for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Humanities. I am not surprised, because he is jealous of anyone who is well-endowed.

Plus, Trump is slashing the EPA’s budget by 31 percent, and the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative, which fights invasive species like the sea lamprey, could see its funding slashed by 97 percent. If you’re not familiar with the sea lamprey, you might know it as the vicious, flesh-eating hell beast from your worst nightmares. Or as Steve Bannon calls it, “my mentor.”

 
 
 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
  Thursday Night, March 23

The vote on the Republican healthcare bill was delayed today because they didn’t have enough votes to pass it. When he heard that, Obama called Trump and said, “Don’t worry, Obamacare covers depression. So don’t worry about it.”

At one point, Congress was prepared to vote as late as 3:00 a.m. Congressmen called their wives, told them not wait up, then they called their mistresses and said, “See ya at 3:00!”

Trump was on the phone last night until almost midnight, calling Republicans to try to switch their votes on the bill. All the calls started the same way: “You have a collect call from — don’t hang up, loser!”

Trump said the hardest part was talking on one phone and tweeting on the other.


Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thursday Night, March 23

On Capitol Hill today, one of the most dramatic episodes of “The Celebrity Appresident” yet: Republicans in the House were forced to postpone their vote on healthcare today because they cannot agree on what the plan should be, so it’s back to the drawing board. Unfortunately, Trump’s budget for education cut funding for drawing boards, so there’s no board for them to draw on.

The president went all out for this bill, but hardline Republicans hated it because it offered too many benefits. Moderate Republicans hated it because it cut too many benefits. Hospitals hate it because they stand to lose money. Insurance companies hate it because it can blow up the markets, and voters hated it. Basically the only people who were OK with the plan were Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Chuck Berry. I happen to know that Chuck would have loved that joke, may he rest in peace.

These congressmen are nervous because the Congressional Budget Office warned that “Trumpcare” could result in 24 million people becoming uninsured. Trump says the numbers were cooked up by the microwave that’s been spying on him at Trump Tower.

 
                                
 
    Late Night With Seth Meyers
  Thursday Night, March 23
The House did not vote on the Republicans’ Obamacare replacement bill today as expected. I guess they wanted to keep Obamacare until [shows photo of Trump] they can get this suspicious mole checked out.

In a new interview, President Trump predicted he would pass Richard Nixon for most appearances on the cover of Time magazine. Hey, dude, do you know WHY Nixon was on the cover so many times? “They’re going to make so many documentaries about me. I’ll bet I even pass Charles Manson.”

In that interview, President Trump responded to questions about unsubstantiated claims he recently made, by saying, quote, “I can’t be doing so badly, because I’m president and you’re not.” OK, I didn’t mind when you talked dirty with Billy Bush, or told Russia to hack Hillary’s emails. [shows photo of Chevy Chase on ‘SNL’] But when you start stealing bits from “Weekend Update” anchors — it is ON!

Press secretary Sean Spicer said today that the White House was optimistic about the chances of the Republican healthcare bill, but, quote, “At the end of the day, we can’t make people vote.” [shows photo of Hillary] “Tell me about it,” said one woman.

 


 
 




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