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Cartoons
Cartoons Last Updated: January 23, 2017
Courtesy: Pooki18


There are 65 cartoons available.


  



Late Night Jokes  
Last updated: January 23
Courtesy: Newsmax


Conan
Monday Night, January 22

 Matt Lauer’s wife has reportedly kicked him out of the house. Even worse, she’s replaced him with Hoda.

The author of the new book on the Trump administration said that President Trump is currently cheating on Melania. When she heard, Melania said, “Thank God.”

 Good news for Washington — the government shutdown is over. The bad news for us — our government is back to work.

China has banned hip hop from Chinese television, which is bad news for China’s biggest hip hop star, the Notorious MSG.

An ABC news poll showed that 48% of Americans think President Trump is mentally unstable. The remaining 52% agree BUT that’s what they like about him.


The Late Late Show With James Corden
Thursday Night, January 18

President Trump’s border wall is back in the news. Because while speaking to the Hispanic caucus in Washington yesterday, chief of staff John Kelly told lawmakers that when Trump promised voters a Mexican border wall during his campaign, he had not been, quote, “fully informed.” Now to be fair, “not fully informed” could describe literally any statement Trump has made since 2003.

Trump immediately shot back at this, saying his plan for a border wall remains the same. He tweeted, “The wall is the wall. It has never changed or evolved from the first day I conceived of it.” Great, now he thinks he invented walls.

“The wall is the wall.” It sounds like Mark Wahlberg referring to himself in the third person.

I can’t believe Trump and his chief of staff are fighting in public like this. But I’ve got to say, what I am really looking forward to is what nickname Trump is going to use when he eventually attacks Gen. Kelly on Twitter. Right now, my money is on Smelly Kelly. But I should say, if you are a betting person, here are the current Vegas odds right now [shows betting pool]: Jelly Belly Kelly is at 2 to 1, while John “The John as in Toilet!” Kelly is 6 to 1. A dark horse at 11 to 1 is “Kellyanne Johnway.” And at 16 to 1, gaining pace, is “Genital John Kelly.” So place your bets, good luck, everyone.

After his doctor earlier this week said that he would recommend Trump exercise more, the president said yesterday that he gets “more exercise than people think.” Does he? I am not sure backpedaling on campaign promises counts as exercise.

Although, many doctors agree that Trump tweets so furiously, it technically counts as cardio.

In Touch magazine is set to drop a 5,000-word interview with porn star Stormy Daniels about a 2006 affair when she allegedly had sex with Donald Trump. All 5,000 of those words are “ew, ew, ew, ew.”



 
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Monday Night, January 22

I’m excited. We should all be excited because as of this taping, America has a government!

Here’s what happened: This afternoon, after intense closed-door negotiations, Democrats and Republicans reached a deal to reopen the government. Well, thank God that’s done and we don’t have to think about it again until... February 8.

The two-day shutdown almost didn’t happen at all because on Friday, Sen. Chuck Schumer met with Trump at the White House and they “came close to a deal over cheeseburgers.” That’s smart — get him all burgered up first. Although, if they’re eating burgers, I think that means they were negotiating in Trump’s bed.

To avoid another shutdown, all that needs to happen is Congress has to agree on how to fix our entire immigration system in 17 days. And once they do that, the pigs that fly will solve world hunger.

And the leverage that Chuck Schumer thinks he’s got is that voters will all remember, 17 days from now, that Mitch McConnell promised to hold a vote on DACA by February 8. Can you remember what happened 17 days ago? I can’t. I’m guessing in two days we’re going to forget the name Stormy Daniels. That was the hurricane that spanked the Gulf Coast, right?

 
 
 

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
  Monday Night, January 22

Good news — it looks like the government shutdown is over. They shut it down, and they started it back up. It’s nice to know Trump’s plan for fixing the government is the same as fixing a Windows computer. “Did you try unplugging it? Wait 10 seconds.”

Saturday was the second annual Women’s March, and thousands of women held signs protesting the president. But Trump was like, “Joke’s on you — I can’t read.”

Last night, the Eagles moved on to the Super Bowl after beating the Vikings 38 to 7. The last time someone got beat up that bad in Philadelphia, he had to move in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

Also, the New England Patriots advanced to the Super Bowl. Did you see this though? It looked like one of the referees was actually celebrating with the Patriots after the game. When asked if the game was rigged, the ref said, [Russian accent] “No, was completely normal game of American football. Heh-heh.”

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their newborn daughter Chicago West. That sounds less like a baby and more like something that would air on Thursdays at 10 p.m. on NBC. “Next on ‘Chicago West...’” 


Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Monday Night, January 22

In Washington, Democrats and Republicans reached a deal. Kind of a deal, to reopen the government for, well, at least three weeks. The Democrats agreed to fund the government through February 8 in exchange for a promise from Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell that they would have a debate and a vote on DACA. In other words, for nothing.

So Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer thought he struck a deal with the president on Friday, but then the president’s team came in and said, “No, no, no. Bad boy! Go back to bed and eat a cheeseburger,” and the deal was off.

Schumer said negotiating with the president was like trying to negotiate with Jell-O, specifically the orange Jell-O.

Trump was completely removed from the negotiations. It’s funny, he always claimed to be the best negotiator. This was his big selling point, “I’m the dealmaker.” At this point it seems pretty clear he couldn’t even negotiate 20% off at Bed Bath & Beyond with the coupon.

Trump was also reported to be upset that he had to cancel his trip to Mar-a-Lago this weekend. They had a party to celebrate the one-year anniversary of his inauguration, but going to a party with the government shutdown would look bad, so the White House went to great lengths to prove the president was working this weekend. They even released a photo of him working [shows staged-looking photo of Trump holding phone]. There he is sitting at his desk... There’s clearly no one on the other end of that call.

That’s how you pose if you’re on a tour of the Oval Office and they let you sit behind the desk. He’s wearing a hat with a suit, and the only time it’s appropriate to wear a hat with a suit is at the NBA draft. And we all know the president dodges drafts, so...

This weekend millions of protesters, mostly women, marched in cities across the country on the one-year anniversary of Trump’s presidency. It was really a huge turnout. Even Melania marched, but the Secret Service captured her and returned her to her shoe closet.

One thing you can say — Donald Trump got more women to exercise than Michelle Obama ever did.


 
                                
 
    Late Night With Seth Meyers
  Monday Night, January 22

Hundreds of thousands of women across the country this weekend participated in the second Women’s March to protest President Trump’s policies. [shows of photo of crowd holding signs]. And what better way to attack Trump than with exercise and reading.

To try to avoid the government shutdown, President Trump sat down with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Friday over cheeseburgers. “Are you gonna finish that?” said Schumer, about Trump’s first term.

Vice President Mike Pence today called reports claiming that President Trump had an affair with an adult film star nothing more than “baseless allegations.” That’s right, it’s just another case of “she said, he paid.”

 Amazon has opened its first cashier-less convenience store in Seattle. But they’ve already been one-upped by CVS, whose stores apparently have no employees at all.

 


 
 




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