Tuesday Night, August 19
Analysts say that President Obama has been ignoring Hillary Clinton's advice for
years — which is why we've yet to see him in a pantsuit.
In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, SeaWorld said it
will build them a larger habitat. When asked for comment, a killer whale said,
"Hey, you know what's a larger habitat? The ocean!"
In South America a tribe of Amazon Indians has made contact with the outside
world for the first time. The tribe was shocked by skyscrapers, cars, and that
"Grey's Anatomy" is still on the air.
Off the coast of Russia, a 200-year-old bottle of booze was found in a shipwreck
and it is still drinkable. Isn't that amazing? Of course in Russia everything is
still drinkable — antifreeze, you name it.
Late Show With David Letterman
Thursday Night, August 21
Summer is nearly over and it's back-to-school time. If you can, send your kids
to college so they get a degree and at least then they will know what kind of
work they're out of.
Starbucks in New York City is now selling liquor. I was in Starbucks earlier
today. I got a grande cappuccino with five pumps of Wild Turkey.
New York City is a big city. I mean, we could probably beat your city up.
What's great this time of the year is the Little League World Series. Does it
seem like the kids are getting older in Little League ball? When I watch the
Little League World Series, my favorite part is when they show the players'
The winner of the Little League World Series goes on to play the Mets.
The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson
Frisday Night, August 8
Today's the start of the Boston Comic-Con. It starts with a man riding a horse
across cobblestone streets shouting "The nerds are coming! The nerds are
People dress up and dump the "Star Wars" prequels in the harbor. Hah! A man can
A bunch of movies came out today. They cover many genres, but they have one
interesting thing in common: They'll get their butts kicked by the new "Ninja
Turtles" movie that opens today.
I don't know a lot about ninja turtles. I know they're named after artistic
Italian men: Michelangelo, Donatello, Madonna.
And ninja turtles live in the sewers of New York City. If they want to hide out
somewhere that New Yorkers never go to, they should try a Mets game.
I had a pet turtle when I was a kid. He taught me a lot. For instance, he
taught me I love the taste of turtle soup.
The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
Friday Night, August 22
Disney's stock just reached a new high this week of $90.37 a share. That's when
you know tickets to Disney World are too expensive — when it's actually cheaper
to own part of the company.
Not quite as good news for the pet supply chain PetSmart, which may soon be sold
to a larger company. Or as they told their employees, “Your jobs are going to a
A new study found that having a big wedding boosts your chance of having a good
marriage. While having a destination wedding boosts your chance of having
friends who hate you.
The Duggars from “19 Kids and Counting” just announced that their daughter Jill
is expecting her first child. In a statement, the Duggars said, “We’re excited
to meet the baby and welcome him into our army — family! We mean family.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thursday Night, August 7
Welcome to those who are visiting LA. We're going to have a good time in
beautiful Los Angeles, which has just been named the 16th coolest city in
America by Forbes magazine. We finally tied San Jose.
You know what city Forbes says is the coolest? The No. 1 coolest city in America
is Washington, D.C. How did that happen? Did Obama start smoking again?
Forbes bases its rankings on factors like how many entertainment options a city
has. Makes sense. In Washington, between Joe Biden and John Boehner alone, it's
like a nonstop Burning Man festival.
I like that Forbes magazine is deciding which city is the coolest. That's like
Good Housekeeping naming the snowboarder of the year.
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Thursday Night, August 14
The Korean Aerospace Institute announced that their one and only astronaut
resigned for personal reasons. Now all he has to do is get back to Earth.
A woman was arrested at LaGuardia Airport this week after she was seen stealing
an iPad and iPhone. The women could be sentenced to as much as six months at
An Oregon man called Portland police Monday to report that traffic was being
held up by a chicken attempting to cross a road. Then on Tuesday, he called back
to report a priest and a rabbi walking into a bar.