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The Official Twelve Step Program For Leftists Forward   

The Official Twelve Step Program For Leftists
Nancy Morgan
October 1, 2011


Before you join the our elite community, it is suggested you complete the following:

1. Admit that you are powerless and that your life is best managed by strict adherence to progressive ideology.
Congratulations for taking this, your first step towards recovery. You will soon find a new global community of friends that are just like you. Your first step requires you to surrender independent thinking and acknowledge the wisdom of the majority. It is essential you learn to disregard facts in favor of consensus. Consensus to be defined by your sponsor, the Democrat party.

2. Come to believe that the power of progressive ideas can restore you to popularity and boost your self-esteem.
This step opens a vista of new hope and, if completed successfully, will guarantee you instant popularity and numerous social opportunities. Please visit www.move-on.org for the most current definition of progressive ideas. Keep in mind, it is not necessary to actually believe in these ideas but you must learn to give the impression that you do. (For the learning challenged, this means it's OK to fake it.) Relax, have fun. You'll be amazed how easy it is to fool most people.

3. Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the Democrat party.
This is a crucial step. It is necessary that you learn how to take instruction and follow directions.This step can be complicated. Please access detailed instructions @ surrendernow.com (credit card required)

4. Make a fearless and searching inventory of all your Republican and conservative friends.
For help on this step, it is suggested you refer to Algore's book Earth in The Balance. Inventory should include, but not be limited to, sins against the environment. Other examples include ownership of SUV's, belief in free markets, holding pro-life views, voting Republican, watching Fox News, and/or supporting the phony 'war on terror.'

5. Publicly admit the exact nature of all the past wrongs committed by America.
This step is crucial and mandatory. Past wrongs must include America's shameful legacy of slavery, oppression, patriarchy and unbridled greed (capitalism). To thoroughly master this step, it will be necessary to refer to the teachings of Ward Churchill, Karl Marx, Noam Chomsky and Hillary's college thesis. Other examples of America's shameful sins may be accessed @ Edwards2008.com (credit card required)

6. Be entirely ready to renounce America, conservatives and Republicans.
This step is an integral part of recovery. It must be practised every day. The good news is, you're now far enough along in your recovery to exercise some freedom in your choice of platforms. Letters To The Editor, bumper stickers and T-shirts are excellent ways to signal your renunciation of your old way of thinking. For the truly dedicated, a list of willing media outlets is available through FAIR (Fairness and Balance In Media) or simply google 'mainstream media.'

7. Humbly ask the global community for forgiveness for America's sin of slavery, homophobia, patriarchy, arrogance, egalitarianism and all other sins.
(see attached list)

8. Make a list of all conservatives you know and become willing to remove them from your life.
Exceptions can be made for family members, said exceptions not to exceed two years. If they haven't come around by then, they're racist homophobes and probably conservative. Need I remind you about lying down with dogs?

9. Make direct amends to the Democrats and to Mother Earth
Direct amends are limited to $2,000 yearly but exceptions will be made. Contact Hillarycash.org for detailed instructions on how to invest your fair share. For amends to Mother Earth (this will cover ALL your environmental sins) it is recommended you purchase 'carbon credits'. These credits may be purchased at Al Gore's 'giveusyourguilt.com'
Attention: You must be officially certified carbon neutral in order to have successfully completed this step.

10. Continue to take inventory of all Republicans and conservatives, and when they are wrong, promptly inform the Democrat Party and the media.
As stated in Step 6, you may access willing media outlets by contacting FAIR (Fairness and Balance in Media). To contact the Democrat party, please refer to your daily talking points e-mail for current list of approved Democrat head honchos.
Attention: Democrat head honchos can and will change suddenly. We expect to resolve this problem shortly, as evidenced by our campaign against Fox News and our aggressive plan to reinstate the Fairness Doctrine. We counsel patience.

11. Seek through group hugs and daily talking points to improve your standing with fellow liberals, knowing that they know best and are there to help you.
To ensure your sustained recovery, it is strongly recommended that you examine your feelings daily. Hugs to fellow liberals (especially liberals of Color) are suggested. And remember, crying is good. Especially if you fall within the approved category of 'victims' (See attached 'victim' list)

12. Having been successfully rehabilitated, it is now your duty to spread this message.

Congratulations, having successfully completed these 12 steps, you have gained membership in the most elite group in America. Feel free to take pride in yourself and show others your self esteem. Don't forget to register your e-mail address with centraltalkingpoints.com in order to stay abreast of the most correct thinking. Now go out and take pride in yourself.

Remember: Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto You

Nancy Morgan is a columnist and news editor for conservative news site RightBias.com
She lives in South Carolina

Article may be reprinted, with attribution



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